Recently on Yahoo Answers, someone asked if they could get a blue “handicapped” badge for their car if they were suffering from colitis. For some reason, this struck me as petty, and I penned this song in response. It goes to the tune of the “Pina Colada Song”.
If you think you have colitis
And you have half a brain
Or if you have arthritis
And to walk is a pain
If you can’t make it to the bathroom
Without cracking a sweat
Then a blue “handicapped” sign
Is just what you should get
If you have diabetes
And weigh 300 pounds
And your poor little feeties
Can’t stand making the rounds
If you have fibromyalgia
If you have irritable bowels
Then go get you a badge now
And go purchase some towels
If you are lactose intolerant
And allergic to wheat
Then a blue handicapped badge
Would seem kind of neat!
Hey, we all suffer somehow
so it’s “who suffers worst”
Paralyzed from the waist down?
Then you get to go first.
